The most difficult thing I ever had to write
“The trust that I once built has been betrayed
But I’d rather live telling the truth and be judged for my mistakes
Than falsely held up, given props, loved and praised
I guess I gotta get this on the page”
This could have been the most difficult thing I ever had to write.
But I chose not to make it so. I chose not to write what I originally planned. I figured I’m not ready, I figured it can be used against me, and I figured I recently let a lot of new people into my life that I don’t know well enough (yet) to share it with.
However, what I do want to write is that I have a battle ahead of me this fall.
And I need you to be my little soldiers.
I want to take this moment to apologize for days to come. I might be a different person for a while, I might be really hard to get a hold of, and I might just act weird in general. I want you to know that I keep you close to my heart, and when all of this is done, I will make it up to you. Please be patient with me, like you have been, for all of these years. I really do appreciate it. I know this is a lot to ask from you.
This might be the most important journey I will ever take. A war I should have fought in ten years ago.
In my suitcase I need to pack determination, memories full of love, and hope for better days.
And the good days will come.
I love you.
Lovisa
The Last Chapter: Hurricane Season
The last chapter: Hurricane Season
I: Winter
They never talk about the calm after the storm
That’s because there is none
Only chaos
The storm that wrecked it all
Broke down foundations
Of what I once knew
Changed the path which I walk upon
Self medicating with;
Tounges
Throats
Fingers
Cereals
Tequila
Late nights; sometimes alone
Traces you left in my room
;To find shelter from your wind
On the state line between loneliness and cheap heart games
Still waiting for hurricane season (I always check the forecast in the morning)
II: Spring
I wrote you a novel
A poem or two
Perhaps they are all about you
But they will never measure up to
The music you created in my name
Late at night
I pretend that I hate you (false)
I’ll cuddle up with insanity
A fragile breath
And my own touch
Floating in
Our favourite wine
Thank God these streets are dry
Hit me, hurt me, kick me, punch me, push me;
Yours will still be the most gentle hands
I’ve ever let myself fall into
Maniac
A title I proudly wear
You were a reason worthy
My insanity
(The answer is always simple, but never easy)
III: Autumn
Delete
And forget every word I ever wrote
For I bet not a single one was spoken about me
I have to stop whispering about you
And I’m ready to change my language
Your chemicals are wearing off
And I’m confident that’s what it was
My wrongs, and yours
I’m letting them go
Fall brings a new wind through my garden
You can rest
