My words have escaped me all day

While you’re carrying my wrongs

 I’m creating bad memories faster than they're getting erased

Your arms are getting tired from my weight

From carrying me over every single hill we encountered

My memory has escaped me all day

Searching for clues buried in my headache

To understand what you might think of below yours

If I could make my wrongs right

If I could carry you instead

I will make better mistakes tomorrow

There are three words to be repeated in infinity

And it’s not even enough then

But one must start somewhere, so

I

Am

Sorry

The last chapter: Hurricane Season

I: Winter

They never talk about the calm after the storm

That’s because there is none

Only chaos

The storm that wrecked it all

Broke down foundations

Of what I once knew

Changed the path which I walk upon

Self medicating with;

Tounges

Throats

Fingers

Cereals

Tequila

Late nights; sometimes alone

Traces you left in my room

;To find shelter from your wind

On the state line between loneliness and cheap heart games

Still waiting for hurricane season  (I always check the forecast in the morning)

II: Spring

 I wrote you a novel

A poem or two

Perhaps they are all about you

But they will never measure up to

The music you created in my name

Late at night

I pretend that I hate you (false)

I’ll cuddle up with insanity

A fragile breath

And my own touch

Floating in

Our favourite wine

Thank God these streets are dry

Hit me, hurt me, kick me, punch me, push me;

Yours will still be the most gentle hands

 I’ve ever let myself fall into

Maniac

A title I proudly wear

You were a reason worthy

My insanity

(The answer is always simple, but never easy)

III: Autumn

Delete

And forget every word I ever wrote

For I bet not a single one was spoken about me

I have to stop whispering about you

And I’m ready to change my language

Your chemicals are wearing off

And I’m confident that’s what it was

My wrongs, and yours

I’m letting them go

Fall brings a new wind through my garden

You can rest

Your absence is more present

Than your presence ever was

You reminded me of my worth

And now I have to remind myself

For it seems I lost all value in your

Eyes

I’m granting your wish by my silence

You have no idea of the lengths

I would have gone for you

Teach me to forget

The essence of your tornado

A blur of notes, wine and beats

But in the crystal clear daylight

Seems pointless 

The only thing you provide:

[Blank],

And I still find it amazing how

I’ve always adored your bullshit

You never read the fine print

Along my spine

Don’t act like you know the ending of

The book that is I

Your chemicals are wearing off

It was a sweet illusion 

Treasure the fact

Your gun to my head

;Unloaded

You stare at the skies

But I know I belong to the below

Looking for reasons for years

To move back into the bad neighborhood

Where twisted things doesn’t wait ‘til nightfall

Substance-free high

I’m soaring

I’ll never blame you

But you’ll be mentioned on my stone

Intoxicated children on hazardous roads

Promises you never knew how to keep

And these waves pierce through my evenings

With messages and codes

Of my delusional haven

This is a chapter you thought

No words could spell

A book we closed long ago

But I still kept sketching the cover

A haunting fairytale of

Intoxicated children on hazardous roads

And as I stumble

I am, again

A child in your eyes

But I know

I’m much younger than that

Feathers with sharp edges

Five years has passed

And I know I’ve been foolish

Missing you

But how you pour emptiness inside me

A sensation you master alone

When you knock on the heavy walls of my mind

I relieve you from your spot on my doorstep

Once more, we share this bed and you can’t resist

But to pull my hair

When you braid it

You stroke my fragile skin

Feathers with sharp edges

Old friend

They add so many letters to my name

I’m not sure what to call myself

Anymore

A Sunday Ballad

A taste of coffee

Sounds of silence

Making up words

This would seem like nothing

Looking in through my window

But these minutes

Are what matters now

You slipped away from

The corner of my eye

But I sense your weight on my floor

These walls know you by now

And this story should be told

Nothing is happening

But everything is

Changing

You’re throwing blessings on my bed

And I think it’s about time

That I wrote

A Sunday ballad for you